The Hangover Hotline

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Johana woke up feeling like a semi-truck had run over her skull, reversed, and done it again just for fun. Her head pounded in sync with the regret pulsating through her veins, and her tongue felt like it had been carpeted with cotton. As she pried one eye open, the sunlight filtering through her curtains stabbed her retinas with the intensity of a thousand tiny daggers.

“Oh my God, I’m dying,” she groaned, flopping back onto her pillow like a tragic Shakespearean heroine.

And then—it all came flooding back.

The speed dating disaster. The asshole trio. The shots. Oh lord, the shots. The bar brawl. The flying fists. The Security Forces storming in. The handcuffs.

Aiden. Freaking. Lockhart.

Johana slapped a hand over her face and let out a long, muffled scream into her pillow.

She had regrets. So many regrets. And none of them were drop-kicking that douchebag in the family jewels. No, that part she was proud of. It was everything after that she could do without—especially the part where she had spent the entire ride home shamelessly flirting with Aiden like she was auditioning for a role in “Drunk and Desperate: The Musical.”

She needed reinforcements. The only way to survive this level of humiliation was to call in the experts—the besties who had known her long before the Air Force and who had seen her at her absolute worst (including the time she got stuck in a McDonald’s playpen at the age of seventeen).

With a groan, she grabbed her phone and initiated an emergency FaceTime meeting with Rachel, Jennifer, and Sofia.

The second the call connected, Rachel’s face filled the screen, eyes widening in horror. “Jesus Christ, Johana. What happened? You look like you fought a raccoon and lost.”

Johana scrunched her nose. “Nice to talk to you too.”

Jennifer smirked. “Spill. We demand details. I was in the middle of reading a very important chapter about a brooding duke and his enemy-to-lovers seduction plan, so this better be good.”

Sofia raised an eyebrow. “You do look like you’ve been through hell. What the hell happened?”

Johana exhaled dramatically. “Okay, so it all started when my idiot friends dragged me to a speed dating event.”

Groans of sympathy filled the call.

“And as expected, I met the most insufferable men alive. Then, because my night wasn’t going downhill fast enough, we somehow ended up hanging out with them after.”

“Why?” Rachel gasped, scandalized.

“Because my so-called friends were having fun, and I thought, ‘Well, if I’m going to suffer, I might as well drown it in tequila.’ And that’s exactly what I did. And then—THEN—one of those idiots got handsy with my friend.”

Jennifer leaned in, eyes sharp. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes. She literally told him to back off, and this walking piece of garbage ignored her like she was a fly buzzing in his ear. So, obviously, I did what any responsible, level-headed adult would do.”

Jennifer smirked. “You kicked him in the nuts.”

“Damn right, I did. But apparently, that was an invitation for an all-out brawl, because next thing I knew, fists were flying, tables were flipping, and I was out there throwing punches like I was auditioning for a remake of ‘Rocky.’”

Sofia gasped. “Johana!”

“I was drunk! It felt like a good idea at the time!”

Jennifer was wheezing. “Please tell me that’s where it ends.”

Johana grimaced. “Not even close. Because guess who decided to show up and break up the fight?”

Rachel’s eyes lit up. “No. No way.”

Johana nodded solemnly. “Aiden Lockhart. The Valentine’s Day Grinch himself.”

Sofia covered her mouth in glee. “Tell me he arrested you.”

Johana cringed. “Almost. He found me LITERALLY hanging off some dude’s back, trying to choke him out.”

Rachel and Jennifer were now in full hysterics, gasping for air.

“Oh my God, I can’t breathe!” Jennifer wheezed.

Sofia was practically crying. “Please tell me what happened next.”

Johana groaned. “He cuffed me, threw me in the back of his patrol car, and started driving me to the station. And did I take that opportunity to shut up and let myself be escorted in peace? NO. My drunk ass decided that was the perfect time to start shamelessly flirting with the man like I wasn’t sitting there in handcuffs.”

Rachel was shrieking. “STOP.”

Jennifer had tears in her eyes. “Johana, I swear, you are a menace to society.”

Sofia was cackling. “How did he respond to your ‘in-your-face’ seduction attempts?”

Johana groaned, burying her face in her hands. “He called me a menace, unlocked the cuffs, and told me he hoped he’d never see me again.”

Rachel wiped her tears of laughter. “What a dick. He’d be lucky to have you.”

Jennifer laughed. “I can’t believe you tried to explain your way out of being arrested while also trying to get into this man’s pants.”

Johana groaned dramatically. “I don’t know what the hell drunk me was thinking. The man is as charming as a brick wall and twice as fun.”

Sofia smirked. “A very hot brick wall, though.”

Johana rolled her eyes. “Irrelevant. The point is, I never want to see that man again. Ever.”

Her besties exchanged knowing glances, the kind that said, ‘Famous last words.’ But for now, Johana was content in her delusion.

There was no way the universe was cruel enough to make her cross paths with Aiden Lockhart again.

Right?

…Right?

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